The villan: Shan-Yu is that guy who seems very close to the Mongolian relative of Darth Maul. In Mulan, he tries to take over China & have the emperor bow to him, also threatening & killing soldiers & people of his land.
How he died: Mulan, who the movie repeatedly demonstrates is the single competent human being in China, fights it out with him until she eventually climbs up onto the roof to set up an elaborate trap. Shan-Yu uses his Mongolian ninja powers to jump through the roof right next to her.Using her fan, Mulan manages to pull the sword out of his hand in a move that makes Bruce Lee look like a white belt. Just as Mulan is about to kill Shan-Yu, the assistant producer reminds her that this movie needs a G rating. So, she stabs her sword into the ground and kicks him instead. Our bloodlust looks like it's going to go woefully unfulfilled. But wait! It's Deus Ex Machina (Mushu), the friendly dragon, come to help her! He fires a rocket the size of Texas, strong enough to lift the 600-lb man off his feet and torpedo him into a building crammed full of miscellaneous fireworks. Kapoosh. So basically, it's the ludicrously violent death from Naked Gun, only instead of being played for laughs, it's the climax of a kids movie. Burning chunks of Mongolian fall from the sky, always kept barely off-camera or behind an explosion, as everyone below celebrates. Happy days, indeed.
Watch it happen: [link]
The villan: In the early moments of The Incredibles, when Mr. Incredible fought crime daily on the streets, he met a little inventor kid who wanted to be his sidekick. Mr. Incredible turns him down, and the boy gets pissed. After years and years of angsty plotting, he finally lures Mr. Incredible to his island to kill him and launch his master plan to... become a superhero. Okay, then!
How he died: After The Parr family defeats his invention & takes his glory, Syndrome kidnapes Jack-Jack & flies towards his ship. The baby, Jack-Jack, then changes into some sort of demon and starts beating the crap out of Syndrome. Syndrome drops the baby, and Helen catches him, leaving Syndrome without hostage. Threatened by Syndrome's vow to someday recapture his baby son, Bob throws a car at Syndrome, and it hits his escape plane, knocking Syndrome into the engine of the jet. The jet turbines suck him up, the razor-sharp blades dicing him into dozens of tiny pieces, turning his body into salsa from the feet up. Mercifully, the plane explodes, ending his agony with a quick fiery death. Who's the superhero now, kid? Not you! Because you're a charred and mutilated corpse!
Watch it happen: Sorry, no jap. audio again.
The villan: Gaston is the last thing you would expect to come out of France. He's a big, strong hunter that get's all the babes in Belle's town. He brags a lot and shows off his ultra-manly chest hair almost as often. He's like the leader of the whole town just because he's such a stud. He ignores the gorgeous blondes that come after him all the time, instead going after a brunette that has no interest in him whatsoever. This causes him to become desperate. He has some guy throw Mourise into the asylum, only helping Belle if she marries him. Of course, who would want to marry a guy as selfish as that?
How he died: Gaston, pissed that Belle cares for an ugly beast more than mr. brawn & mustly, leads an angry mob (torches and pitchforks included) to storm the castle where he lives. Because the castle is full of moving, talking furniture, hilarity ensues. After an epic confrontation with Beast, Gaston is left dangling over a precipice. Beast pulls a Simba and spares his life, leading to an understanding and peaceful reconciliation between the two...Heh, no, I'm just kidding. Beast is promptly stabed in the back (literaly) by a coward, proving that once you have your enemy at your mercy, FOR GOD'S SAKE FINISH HIM OFF!!! Gaston is then knocked off the tower, and is impaled on a cluster of spikes (not shown easily) that seem to exist for no reason other than for plummeting villains to land on. Given the baffling number of enchanted objects that exist in the castle, these spikes were probably anthropomorphic balladeers, singing a cheery tune as Gaston was (ironically, mind you) shanked in the back by them & as Belle breaks the spell, making everyone human again. As cheerful as the ending to this clasic disney movie was, we can't help but wonder if a sunny day's walk in the garden after Belle's and the Prince's (formerly Beast) honeymoon wasn't suddenly interrupted by the sight of Gaston's mangled corpse, left there as a warning to all who would cross them.
Watch it happen: SHIT! No jap. audio AGAIN!
The villan: Who say's insects aren't capable of anything evil? Well that is proven wrong in A Bug's Life. Hopper is the leader of a group of grasshoppers who think ants serve grasshoppers. When the ants can't get enough food for them, he takes over, forces everyone to work for him, & plans to kill the elder queen when their done. Once again, an elder we're talking about here.
How he died: Flick, the outcast of his hole colony, comes up with a plan to rid of Hopper. The plan works...sort of...While all his minions cowar in fear, he grabs Flick & takes him hostage. He prepares to kill him when a bird is upon them. Hopper, from a previous experience, thinks it's a trick. But it ain't a trick. IT AIN'T A TRICK HOPPER! GET OUTTA- oh wait. He's a villan. Yeah, yeah, let him die. The bird grabss Hopper, & for whatever reason despite it's another insect, let's Flick go. The bird then eats Hopper. Oh wait a minute...IT WAS HER BABY CHICKS! Yes, any villan could have fallen from a daring hight without a parachute or crashed into some sort of explosive for whatever reason. But Hopper was EATTEN! GOT THAT!? EATTEN! BY BABIES!
Watch it happen: SON OF A FREAKIN' BITCH! Still, no jap. audio
The villan: Frollo is the main asshole from The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, who believes he's a holy man, but we know. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, WE ALL KNOW! He hates the guts of gypsys but has a thing for one of them named Esmeralda, as evidenced in, THE MOST MELODRAMATIC SONG IN ANY DISNEY MOVIE EVER.[link]
How he died: Frollo finally just gets sick of Esmeralda & tries to burn her to death. Quasimodo, with the strength that would put even Superman to shame, grabs a rope & swings down & rescues her. Frollo follows them onto the cathedral roof, conveniently setting the scene for a dramatic final battle. Everyone somehow ends up hanging over a ledge, with Esmeralda holding Quasi and Frollo and flames raging below. Quasimodo fails to let go of Frollo and kill him, so once more the hero is punished for that decision. And I shit you not, he had the chance in that earlier scene when he thought Esmeralda was dead. Frollo swings over to another ledge and draws his sword again. As he prepares to decapitate Esmeralda, he quotes:
"...And he shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!"
...after which the gargoyle he is standing on (it's implied that the gargoyle is sentient, or an angel or something) breaks and sends Frollo plunging down into the lava (which somehow doesn't send the rest of the town on fire) melting him to death.PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT!!!!!!
Not just any death. Frollo plunges into a lake of fire clearly meant to symbolize Hell, where his flesh will be burned continually for eternity. Proving once again there is no god more cruel and vengeful than Disney.
Thank you for watching. Resume work on Rise Of The Shadow, coming soon.