The classic Adam West Batman theme plays in the background.
Me: *Epic Voice* Last Time on Resident Evil 6……….not really having anything to do with ‘this’, so……fuck it…
FINAL CHAPTER: ADA’S STORY
Me: So in continuing our review in the game, we play the fourth & final campaign in the game centering around Ada’s involvement in the plot. We see her entering a submarine in a robot suit…naked…as she thinks back to a previous event in which she was being chased down by agents of the government. She hides in one of the rooms when she receives a call from Simmons.
Simmons: Ada Wong…it’s been a long time.
Ada: Not long enough. I see you still like to play games.
Simmons: Old habits. Besides a phone call can be so…impersonal.
Ada glances towards the player’s view for a brief second.
Ada Imitation: Uh, THIS is why I dumped him, you know?
Ada: What is it you want?
Simmons: I received some very interesting intel on you Ms. Wong. Intel that will greatly influence the future. Curious?
Ada: Not in the slightest.
Me: So she tracks down the intel to see information on a submarine, where she’s currently at.
Simmons: I knew you couldn’t resist.
Ada: I’m just here to find out what you’re up to.
Simmons: Then by all means proceed.
Ada hangs up on Simmons. Ada faces forward once more.
Ada: Alright Simmons, let’s see what your hiding.
Ada Imitation: You got that audience? We’re gonna see how I was scripted to the next 20 hours of the game. Alright let’s go.
Me: So Ada makes her way through the facility as she soon makes her way into the center of the facility. Along the way, we see that Ada’s campaign will be including a few puzzles & stealth sequences, in recognition of the original games. These stealth portions & puzzles aren’t that hard to solve, but then again they’re still time consuming & they have nothing to do with killing zombies, so we’ll call them unnecessary additions to the franchise in general.
She sees a recording of Simmons giving orders.
Simmons: My dearest Ada Wong…Jake Muller has been located in The Republic Of Edonia. Your mission is to find out if his body has antibodies to the C-Virus. We cannot allow a vaccine to be produced.
Ada: That was dated six months ago…That can’t be right…I don’t remember those orders.
Ada Imitation: Then again, I was high as hell at the time…
Me: So now Ada has to escape the facility with guards preventing her escape.
Ada: Sorry boys, no time. My dance card’s already full.
One Liners: 29
One of the hostiles misfires causing a tank to explode.
Michael Bay Style Explosions: 58
Me: So with the hull compromised, Ada must come up with a new exit strategy. She tries an escape pod, but that blows up.
Michael Bay Style Explosions: 59
Me: She ends up finding an alternate passage, but she first needs to answer questions from someone who sounds suspiciously like her.
???: Identify yourself.
Ada: I’m a little busy right now? Try back later.
???: Please state your name.
Ada: Alright, I’ll bite. Ada Wong.
???: Ms. Wong…six months ago you performed experiments on humans in Edonia. You were following Simmons’ orders, but it was your choice to do so. How do you plan to atone for your crimes?
Ada: Interesting story. Might wanna do some fact checking though. I don’t work for Simmons. I’ve got nothing to atone for.
Me: It’s not like you gave a virus to Wesker that he used to terrorize Africa.
???: I know what it is your looking for…A world of chaos…am I right?
Ada: If you know me so well, you shouldn’t need validation. A world of chaos? Not number one on my list. But it would make Simmons squirm so I might reconsider. It’s my turn.
Ada: Who are you?
???: I have no obligation to answer you.
???: My final question…What are you fighting?
Ada: …Whatever the hell gets in my way. And the virus always seems to make a cameo.
???: Hmp, I like your answer. Simmons is waiting for you. I’m looking forward to see how this unfolds.
Ada: I’m glad ‘that’s’ over.
Me: So Ada escapes the exploding sub-
Michael Bay Style Explosions: 60
Me: as she receives a message from Simmons.
Simmons: You still haven’t figured it out? Allow me to clarify. Tomorrow the U.S. will suffer a bioterrorist attack. After that, China. And then major cities around the world will suffer the same fate…at the hands of Neo Umbrella’s very own Ada Wong.
Ada: If you think I’m going to sit back & be your scapegoat Simmons, you’ve got another thing coming.www.youtube.com/watch?feature=…
Me: So after that, Ada arrives at the mansion containing information on Simmons & the woman supposedly taking orders from him. She sees Leon making his way to the church.
Ada: Leon…so your caught in this too…Hope you have the stomach for it…
Me: She makes her way through the underground lab & starts fighting alongside Leon & Helena like before. She makes her way to the research facility & finds out more about Simmons’…or Ada’s schemes.
She sees the “Happy Birthday Ada Wong” vhs & finally realizes that Simmons had made a clone of her.
Me: Clones! I KNEW Jango Fett wasn’t the only one!
Ada receives a call from Simmons.
Simmons: Enjoy the show?
Ada: Yes…it was quite revealing…
Simmons: How do you mean?
Ada: …Well correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it YOU on this tape ‘Ada’?
Ada: You are the one behind Neo-Umbrella.
Simmons: I don’t know what you’re talking about…
Ada: Simmons would never be foolish enough to show his cards. He and his FAMILY want one thing…To stabilize & sustain the system they’ve created…But YOU…you want to destroy it…
Simmons disables his cloaking device revealing the Ada clone.
Clone: …And the world will blame YOU.
Clone hangs up on Ada as Ada sets the research lab to self-destruct.
Ada: Looks like the race is on…let’s see who comes in first.
One Liners: 30
Me: So with the clone theory cleared up, we see Ada has made her way to China, where she plans to find evidence of her clone & eliminate her. But along the way she sees Chris’ team heading towards their destination.
Ada: Their throwing a party for me…& I’m not even there yet.
One Liners: 31
Me: BUT, can a zombie invasion in China & the fate of the world hanging in the balance stop Ada from…going down the playground slide!?www.youtube.com/watch?feature=…
Ada: *Sigh* Too bad I can’t enjoy a night on the town.
One Liners: 32
Ada battles her way through the streets while seeing civilians being executed by J’avo.
Background Deaths: 77
Me: But as Ada makes it to the next street, she comes across-
A J’avo cocoon hatches revealing Chainsaw Guy.
Ada: Chainsaw huh? How elegant.
One Liners: 33
Me: So Ada fights off with Chainsaw Guy & is revealed to be the one who saved Jake & Sherry from before.
Ada: Hope that’s all she wrote.
One Liners: 34
Me: So Ada makes her way to the military port where she sees Chris & Piers battling J’avo. Eventually making her way to a suit case where she makes a shocking discovery.
‘In the notes Ada finds, it’s revealed that Ada’s clone was actually an ordinary woman named Carla Radames. Carla was forced against her will into Simmons experiments to create a replica of Ada Wong. Simmons & Ada were once married, but Ada left him after his involvement in the Raccoon City Extermination upset her. Simmons became mentally unstable & was obsessed with ‘recreating’ his relationship with Ada. Simmons, in reality, is a member of The Family, a secret organization that has been manipulating the U.S. government since America gained it’s independence. Members of the family had come to the decision that Simmons, because of his obsession with Ada, was no longer fit to run the organization, thus they betrayed him. In retaliation of Carla’s attempt to burn the world in a fire of chaos as an act of revenge against Simmons, the plan to carry out her assassination is at hand.’
Ada sees Carla’s assassination & her dead body lying on the ground.
Ada: …Your hatred for Simmons drove you to tear down the world they created…but it was your continence Carla, that saw you fail……After all, isn’t that why you brought me into this? It’s a shame.
Ada: If you’d only sought vengeance against Simmons alone…I would have helped you.
Carla: ……….Get over yourself!
Carla’s body begins to mutate into a thick gray sludge as it spreads & grows in size.
Carla: Help me!? I’m the REAL Ada Wong! I don’t need help from anyone! My plans aren’t failing, their thriving! And soon, this frail shell of a society will collapse! After that, you know what will be left of this world!
Carla: *Evil laugh* NOTHING! HELL WILL RISE & CHAOS WILL REIGH! AND I, ADA WONG, WILL BE QUEEN OF THE NEW WORLD!
Me: Jesus, somebody’s been taking their Joker Pills.
Ada: So big & yet so emotional…It’s time for you to shut up Carla.
Me: Ada battles Carla resulting in destroying her body using cryo. She escapes into the helicopter & rides into the infected city. You know the drill, she arrives, she rescues Leon, & they kill Simmons. But Ada still has one more thing to clear up.
Ada enters the research tower as she plays Carla’s last recording.
Carla: Another failure. Bring me another subject. Why do you think we built this lab here in the first place? Are you refusing my orders? You’re the one who chose me as a test subject, aren’t you?
Scientist: No! It was Simmons! He forced me too! Please, don’t do this!
Carla: Funny……I said the exact same thing…THIS…will be my greatest work yet…
Ada walks up to the last room as she stares down a hatching cocoon.
Ada: We’re beyond sympathy at this point…We’re beyond Humanity.
Ada unleashes all her remaining ammunition destroying the lab & all of Simmons research, thus finally killing all traces to his & Carla’s evil.
Michael Bay Style Explosions: 65
Me: And with that all cleared up, Ada leaves the area & heads off to her next client, thus wrapping up our last story. The E-what the fuck?
Somewhere in The Muslim World, a boy hides in a shack as J’avo surround it. A hooded figure approaches him.
???: I believe we had a deal?
The boy gives the man an apple as he walks outside to face the J’avo.
Boy: Are you going to keep your promise?
The man unveils his cloak. It’s Jake Wesker taking a bite out of the apple & preparing to battle the J’avo.
Jake: Fairs fair, kid.
Me: …Well, I guess he’s off to the community to share his family history in a delightfully peaceful manner. And that’s the story to Resident Evil 6!
Me: So how does this game fare out after all the stupidity we witnessed?...Well…actually it’s pretty good. The game itself is one of the more interesting entries in the series for several notable reasons. It contains the most characters, scenarios, & has the most campaigns. The story, while laughably bad, still contains relatively exciting moments. The soundtrack has some fairly strong music in it, making for one of the series’ best scores. The game play manages to keep in touch with elements that were appreciated in 4 & 5, with additional game play elements that are welcomed to this style of Resident Evil. Leon’s & Ada’s campaign are easily the best in the game, recapturing atmosphere from older games while balancing the difficulty of the situations they contain. Chris’ campaign is passable, but only because it’s better compared to the Jake campaign, which is unbelievably flawed. Quick Time Events continue to annoy people, but since they were in 4 & since everybody idiotically praises 4, I’d might as well not complain about those any longer. I also find it interesting how four different scenarios managed to cross over with each other in all the situations that have been going on throughout the game, tying each of their events into the story. The villains are pretty weak, though I would have suggested Carla over Simmons as the main villain, seeing as how she has a better motive & is more psychotic & threatening than him. I can’t say that Resident Evil 6 was a great game, but I will admit that I certainly & mostly enjoyed my time playing it. If you’re a fan of the old school RE games that focus more on horror than action, you’re probably not gonna like this one. However, I still recommend it for any long time fan of the franchise…probably after the pricing goes down.
Me: That’s all for today, & now it’s time to count it all up!
A chart appears next to me adding up all the contents of the game.
Me: We’ve got 65 Explosions-
Me: 34 One Liners-
Me: & 77 Background Deaths! That leaves us a total of-
Me: 176 Resident Evil Clichés! Well played Capcom, well played! And your prize is-
Me: A Below Expectations Sale Of This Game Resulting In Lay Off In Which You May Not Recover From.
Me: ……Yeesh, first Hostess & now video game companies. This world is going to hell…I’m pikachubuneary, & thank YOU for watching my review!
STAY TUNED FOR MORE TO COME…